Working
as a mechanical engineer making parts for aeroplanes was never going to be my
life. From the moment I walked into the factory to do my interview I was asked
"If I could see myself working in a place like this?" and my answer
was of course "Yes, definitely!" Even though inside, my head and heart
were screaming "NOOOOO FUCKIN WAY" It was an interview and I wanted
the job. I had no other real options. At this point I'd never even picked
up a guitar, played a chord or even sang in public. I wasn't true to
myself but I did what I had to do to get the apprenticeship.
Two years
down the line and I'd taken about as much as I could. Hating waking up in the
mornings to go waste my life standing next to a stinking machine watching
cutters churn up metal. I could have even sometimes cried if I'd let myself.
Sounds ridiculous I know, but that's just how bad a career choice it was for
me. What a life! In forty years I'd have a nice house and a car and a fair
bit of savings but no amount of material possessions would stop me being a
bitter old man thinking 'What if?'
I'd
previously taken Engineering in school and gotten a merit at GNVQ level
(or maybe a pass, but it's staying merit on my CV, who the hell tells the truth
on their CV anyway?!?!) The day I left (the day I was expelled) I remember
thinking "Well at least I won't have to do that ever
again" Three years later and I go land myself a job in an industry so
far removed from the direction I should've been heading. Probably the complete
opposite in fact. It was just so dull, but like I said, I had no
other real options and it seemed a better opportunity for a career than
working in retail like I was at the time.
Get Out Of This Hole
It was
the same as any other day, I made my way on the bus, full of angst and a
horrible heavy feeling in my chest when I turned the corner and saw the
factory. I had my Ipod on as it was always the only thing that could possibly
perk me up and get me to actually go in to do another mind numbingly boring
shift. It was Badly Drawn Boys album 'The Hour Of Bewilderment' and the song
'Logic of a friend' came on as I walked closer to the work doors. That's when
the four most important lines of my life to date made their way down
the wire, into my ears and engraved themselves on my mind.
There's a
feast well prepared at the table
And a
beast licking holes in your door
Make a
break just as soon as you're able to run
GET OUT
OF THIS HOLE BEFORE IT TAKES YOUR SOUL
So that's
what I did, I got out of the hole. I went in that day and quit. With no clue of
what I was going to do or where I was going to next.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjCDL8Ey2_UNever Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been
It was
the Victorian writer George Elliot who said 'It's never too late too late
to be what you might have been" and for my 21st birthday I asked for a
guitar. I'd always wanted to play but as I got older I kept telling myself it
was too late, I was too old. You can't teach an old dog new tricks and the
like, but someone once told me that Pete Doherty was nineteen when he started playing
guitar, so if he could do it, then why couldn't I? I've since realised that
this is totally wrong and they were probably thinking of his age when The
Libertines formed, however it was a good enough gee for me to at least try.
(I'm not comparing myself to Pete Doherty's genius in anyway here, I'm just
stating that it was this factual error that gave me the kick up
the arse and positive spin I needed)
A
friend showed me how to read chords from a music book and so I took it from
there. I practiced and taught myself. I'm still teaching myself. I've never
taken a lesson after I watched an interview with Placebo's Brian Molko
recommending against it.
My first
ever gig was a few years later, helping out a friend who's band was short of a
guitarist. We practiced on the Tuesday and I had till Friday to learn about
ten-twelve songs. The gig went well and I was on board, playing rhythm
guitar. I played a couple of fun years with the band, playing covers
in local pubs most weekends but my need to further my horizons was growing.
I'd
always wanted to get away from my home town, I felt like life was passing me by
and I wasn't seeing anything of the world. The same as everyone else I'm sure,
but I wasn't happy sitting there saying it, I had to do it. I'd always used a
job, a girlfriend or study as an excuse not to leave but now I had non of
this, nothing to keep me around. I didn't want to be a gobshite.
At this
time I had just finished studying Production Arts in college, a
National Diploma in stage management, lighting and sound. I wanted to get into
music and events and looked for jobs working abroad that would go with my
experience of roadie like work, setting up for gigs and festivals. This is what
led me to Ibiza Rocks.
Change, Change, Change
I did my
first ever solo performance as a favour to a friend who had
returned from his travels, another friend who was about to embark on
his own adventures in Australia and just for good measure, a
Halloween party. All three rolled into one made it quite an event. The pub was
rammed, so much so that they ran out of glasses to serve what little amount of
alcohol they had left. I knew I hadn't practiced enough so that added to me
being without doubt the most nervous I'd ever felt, certainly the worst I've
felt for a gig anyway. Nearly getting locked up in Thailand was a
different kind of nervousness, but that's another story!
The gig
was a success, everybody loved it. Personally I knew I could do better but it
was the beginning, a good start. Within a week I was offered another gig. This
time in a much bigger venue with a lot higher stakes. It was an
annual end of year Christmas event in the biggest live music venue in
North Wales. All the established or up and coming local bands
played every year, so to be offered that opportunity after just
one unaccompanied gig wasn't too shabby in my eyes. It wasn't
too long until Christmas but it gave me a little time to practice and write
enough of my own songs to perform.
I
practiced with a friend the day of the gig and he added some lead guitar
parts. I know procrastination is an understatement but even though we
were so last minute about it, I wasn't really nervous. We played a half
hour set with two covers. This time I was a lot happier with the performance and
I finally knew what I wanted to do with my life. I just had to work out how.
Flying Solo
Ibiza has
the reputation as the biggest and best party island in Europe, if not the world
and rightly so. Once you go there you very rarely go anywhere else (for that
kind of holiday) as it's the daddy of all islands. It had never really
interested me as I wasn't a huge fan of the music scene but now Ibiza Rocks was a big
part of the set-up. Good music under the Balearic stars. I could do with a
bit of that in my life. It could be the perfect opportunity.
I'd
originally stumbled across the advert when I was looking for a job working on
the stage. There was nothing of this type but they advertised for security (My
guns wouldn't cut it) Chefs (I'm a great cook but I'm no Ramsey) and a role on
the host team (I like talking to new people, some of whom would be scantily
clad ladies in bikinis) That was the one for me!! 2500 applicants were
whittled down to forty. I got through the first interview in London
and was called back for an interview weekend in Watford. From the
remaining people, six got chosen to work in Ibiza and one of them people
just happened to be me.
I flew
out to Ibiza 14th May 2011 and started work as a host for Ibiza Rocks
Hotel the next day. It was the fastest flight I'd ever been on. I don't
remember anything about it apart from waking up after the
landing and an old couple smiling at me. The kind of look that gave
me the impression I'd drunkenly snored for the whole flight. Nothing worse than
a drunken snore! As it very often does, one civilised goodbye drink the
previous evening had turned into several and I seem to remember still being in
McDonalds at 6am, when I was due to be picked up for the airport run at 5.
I'd taken
my guitar with me in the hope of being able to play some gigs. I
auditioned for the owner and other big wigs and it went well. I got the
gig. I worked sixty hours a week that summer and on my days off and split
shifts I played on the hotel main stage or on the boat trip. If I
wasn't playing to people I was practicing in my room. Trying to get better and
increase my repertoire. I was still pretty new, I hadn't done too many gigs so
I had a lot to learn and fast. Within seven months I'd done my first ever solo
performance in a small pub in North Wales and now I was playing the best
live music venue on the best music island. I was pretty pleased with that.
Beg, Steal or Borrow
During
the winter I did what most seasonal workers from Ibiza do
and travelled Asia. I spent four months between Thailand, Cambodia and
Laos and it was during this time I was offered a residency at Ibiza Rocks.
I received the email when I was exploring Chang Mai in the north of Thailand. It began by explaining I wouldn't be offered my old job. On a different day I may have stopped reading at that point. Luckily I read on and discovered I would be performing instead. In a weird way, I suppose you could say I got promoted by being sacked!
I wonder how many people have received a similar email and not read the full details, jumped to conclusions and replied with an arsey farewell?!?!
So this was it, music was going to be my sole, one and only income. I'd be performing live on the hotel stage, the boat trip, at the bar and the diner. When I returned to Wales I played as many gigs as I could as I had to save for my flights and accommodation. 28th May 2012 I arrived in Ibiza to start my new life as a musician.
I received the email when I was exploring Chang Mai in the north of Thailand. It began by explaining I wouldn't be offered my old job. On a different day I may have stopped reading at that point. Luckily I read on and discovered I would be performing instead. In a weird way, I suppose you could say I got promoted by being sacked!
I wonder how many people have received a similar email and not read the full details, jumped to conclusions and replied with an arsey farewell?!?!
So this was it, music was going to be my sole, one and only income. I'd be performing live on the hotel stage, the boat trip, at the bar and the diner. When I returned to Wales I played as many gigs as I could as I had to save for my flights and accommodation. 28th May 2012 I arrived in Ibiza to start my new life as a musician.
It was
hard work, people probably think you just turn up, play for an hour or two and
off you toddle, but there's a lot more to it than that. There's always so much
to do on that island and the sun is always shining, so to sit in your apartment
most days practicing, learning and writing songs is a job in itself.
Then there's the temptations and the urges you have to fight. I've previously
mentioned Pete Doherty and stated 'if he could do it, then why couldn't I'
Well, that's one thing I definitely can't do. I can't think of any other
musicians (who are alive) that can get in a complete state, play and still get
away with it. As I found out to my peril in Dubai. I will never drink that much
whiskey before a gig ever again!
It may
sound like I'm moaning here but I'm really not, one iota. I wouldn't
change it for the world. I just have to think of jobs in the past to know that.
As Confucious said 'Choose a job you love, and
you will never have to work a day in your life. Neither am I saying I was
an angel, never went out and indulged in the madness that Island has to offer. I
did, I did it A LOT!
My first
year as a musician was amazing and I've now been making a living playing
music for about three years, playing both my own music and covers
depending on the venue. Travelling the UK, living and playing
in Wales, London, Ibiza and Dubai and I've pretty much had to resort
to the 'Beg, steal or borrow' mentality that I'm sure 95% of artist's have had
to live by at some point in their lives (I can't think of anything I've stolen
off the top of my head, maybe a road traffic sign after a few too many shandy's
on a walk home from the pub) Crashing on peoples sofa's and staying in spare
rooms. Borrowing equipment, money and cadging lifts here and there. All
the usual stuff you have to do to get by.
Jettison All Life Rafts
I've
lately been pushing my own music and gigging a lot in London. It's such a hard
place to be when you haven't got much money. Covers gigs pay well if you can
get them but moving equipment to the venues is impossible without
transport unless you did about ten trips on the tube. I can't afford a
car and don't particularly fancy one in the big city anyway. The
venues that provide a stage for original material have the basic set
ups and everything I need for vocals, guitar and harmonica but they
don't pay well (if they pay at all)
Is it
wise to jettison and destroy all life rafts? Those pirates were willing to die,
go down with their ship but its a bit extreme to think of that just
yet. Maybe in many years from now to die on stage would be an apt way to go but
I've still got way too much to achieve before then. I've already
divulged my one and only pillage, so I'm not quite up to pirate standard just
yet anyway. I've had to adopt a new mentality.
Due to the
lack of funds and paid opportunities in my current location I've begun to
explore other avenues of income. I've been applying for jobs of all kinds
but having not worked (a proper job as most people would call it) in a few
years, it's not been easy. I would say my CV is to a pretty good standard
and if I'd have worked alongside music I'd have had a better chance of
employment, but It's catch 22. A full time job would never allow the
freedom to take a gig at a last minutes notice, make it to venues in
time or book days off to travel here, there and everywhere.
So I've
decided to move back to Wales and concentrate on music at home.
I'll also be closer to the North West with Manchester, Liverpool and
surrounding areas all having some brilliant music scenes. A part of
me feels a bit of a failure but I've spent four months in one of the most expensive
cities in the world. Gigging my arse off for free. I think I've done ok. After
all, geography is destiny.
I read
that people trying to crack New York as a musician move to and from, several
times, until they finally find their feet and I can imagine London is very
similar. I think that will be the case for me. I'll know more of what to expect
should I decide to come back. It may even lead me somewhere else, another
new journey. Just writing it now makes me feel more positive, everything happens
for a reason. I always look at where I've been and the things I've
experienced, people I have met and the knock on effect of where it can take
you.
In school
they teach us to get qualifications, go to college, then go to university
and finally get a job in that given field, but some of the more successful
people I know did the complete opposite and are much happier. Lucky if
they got one qualification but are now living the lives and doing the jobs they
love. I don't know if I can say the same for the people who followed the
teachers path. It's not what you know, it's who you know and timing is
everything. Has there ever been two truer sayings?
Finally,
another big plus of moving back is the recording costs. The songs I've been
performing lately are new songs I'll be releasing on an Ep and I'm really
excited about them. I've currently got enough material for an album
and trying to pick and choose the right songs is pretty tough, but its a nice
dilemma to have. The others I may leave or keep working on for later projects.
To record the songs in London would just not be possible given my current
situation.
Justin
Vernon left North Carolina and retreated to his home in
Wisconsin following the break-up of both his relationship and
then his band. He wrote and recorded the album 'For Emma, Forever
Ago' back at his fathers log cabin (whilst eating a shed load of venison apparently) The Bon Iver album was
greatly received and one that got him widely recognised.
Not too
sure what my choice of meat will be but I'll be taking all the
positives from this next chapter in my life, even if it can be so so hard to
see the light at times. I'm by no means the first person to be in
this situation and I certainly won't be the last but I suppose it doesn't
really matter what happens with the music in the end, as long you still enjoy
it, it'll always be there.
Logic Of A Friend - Damon Gough
Of Your Wasted Life You Should Be Ashamed - Adam F Duritz